13 Not So Subtle Traits of a Jealous Mother-in-Law (2023)

Was it something you said, did, or didn't do? (It's usually the latter.)

You can't help but notice that your mother-in-law acts like she's married to her husband, like she doesn't trust you to be agood wifeto him.

And if that wasn't frustrating enough, your husband is unwilling to talk to your mother about it.

He would also rather you not say anything.

After all, what harm can a littlemother-in-law jealousto do?

Why are mothers-in-law jealous?

According to psychology today, jealousy “is often triggered when a person perceives a threat to a valued relationship from a third party. The threat can be real or imagined.

The silent majority of mothers-in-law deal with pain that their daughters-in-law have yet to experience. Do not dohorrible behaviorGood. But for those who ask: "Why do mothers-in-law cause problems?" it may be helpful to remember the following:

• You may be afraid of losing your child or losing your place in his life;
• She may feel less important to him now that she turns to you for comfort;
• she can bemourning the lossthe close relationship he had with his son;
• Or you might be frustrated with the changes you see in this relationship;
• She may feel threatened if her son takes her side (instead of hers) in an argument.

Never assume you know what's going on in your mother-in-law's head. From himthoughts and perspectivethey are his, and reading minds doesn't help.

For now, we're focusing on identifying jealous behavior.

What you do about it is something you and your spouse should discuss.

13 traits of a jealous mother-in-law

Watch out for the following 13 signs of a jealous mother-in-law. Whatever your reasons, it's best to identify the behaviors you'd like to stop.

1. He's quick to blame you.

She is blind to anything that might suggest that her child is flawed. Whatever is wrong between the two of you must bethey arefalla.

If things aren't perfect between the two of you, she wants to know all about it first. If you are unable to get the details from your child, you can challenge them to explain why.looks unhappy.

And he will turn any information he gets into proof that he was right about you.

2. Is rude or dismissive of you, or completely ignores you.

She seems determined to see him in anegative light. She is dismissive or downright rude in her responses, if she responds at all.

He might even ignore you to see how you react.

If you confront her in anger, she may complain to her child aboutthey arebehavior towardsthey are.Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page.

3. She expects her husband to side with her when he disagrees with her.

If you turn a disagreement into a battle between you, you expect your child (your husband) to side with you. After all, they faced fiercer battles together before you came into their lives.

If he's ungrateful enough to fight her, that's more proof that you've poisoned his son against her.Terdone that, as she will likely point out.

4. She plays the victim.

she couldto feelas a victim From her point of view, you manipulated her son to side with you against hers.

Either there are two victims, her and her son, or just one. And if she's the weird one, she'll probably blame you for it and try to win your son's sympathy.

If that doesn't work, you can back off in hopes that your child will come after you.

5. Criticizes you (often) to your face.

He will make sarcastic or subtly derogatory comments about your clothes, your cooking, your parenting or cleaning skills, etc. Nothing is prohibited. If she sees something that isn't perfect or that one of her son's exes has done better, she'll be sure to let you know.

Even if she doesn't openly criticize you to your face, she will find a way to put a sour taste in every compliment.

6. Talks bad about you to your husband.

It doesn't take long for him to talk about you behind your back. If her son doesn't shut her up right away, or if he tries to discuss all the negative points she tries to make, she will continue until he tells her to stop.

And even if you do, chances are she'll renew her attacks after a short break. She still sees it as her job to protect him or keep him in check.they areto control.

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7. Speaks ill of you to your children and then asks them to keep it a secret.

One of your kids confided in you that grandma said some things about you and then told them to keep it a secret. Naturally, you are furious. She hadNoright to put your child in that position.

tell your husband. Then tell your mother-in-law that you cannot trust her to be alone with the children until shecan earn your trust.

8. She turns you on to make you question your grip on reality.

Call her about something and she denies it or explains it as innocent. Then he will use the guilt to corner you.

She will deny and then blame you for what you saw or heard. She will project exactly what you accuse her of.

And it will continue to do so until you start to question your own judgment.

9. It elevates passive-aggressive behavior to an art form.

Use sarcasm to embarrass or put yourself down. Or he'll use subtle (or not-so-subtle) digs to undermine your confidence or prey on one of your insecurities. She has picked up some things that she can use against you without being confrontational or overtly abusive.

Too bad that doesn't make your business any easier to support. In fact, you'd almost prefer it to be more direct.

10. She doesn't respect your boundaries.

Maybe she'll come visit me without even calling first. Or maybe they share your personal information with others without asking you first. She keeps pushing to see how far she can go before she draws the line.

And once you do, she won't quietly back down. He is likely to use his hardline approach against you and complain to your husband.

11. He excludes you from his social plans.

Your child and grandchildren are more than welcome, but you? Well, you probably have somewhere else to be. Or surely you wouldn't be interested in spending time withthey are.

After all, you have your child and grandchildren most of the time. She needs grandma's fix. And, as she says, it's not healthy for the kids.Alwaysbe close to your mother.

Of course this does not apply tothey are.

12. She is always trying to take control of you.

It's you or her; they cannot be both. And how dare you try to change the dynamic between her and her son? She always knew what he likes and what makes him happy. you're new and it's getting in the way. Then you will regain as much control as possible.

And whatever you do, you will use your influence to persuade your child that he is right.

13. You're always trying to get your child's attention (yours, not so much).

She constantly calls him, invitesto himvisiting, and does what he can to maintain a perpetual presence in her life. However, she is not as motivated to include you. She would rather have his attention without you around to distract him.

The more she has his full attention, the more influence she can have on him.

How to know if your mother-in-law is jealous of you?

Now that you are familiar with the signs of ajealous mother-in-lawMaybe you already know the answer to that question.

If you're still not sure, look for the following clues that your mother-in-law is jealous of you:

• She's always comparing you (unfavorably) to her son's exes;
• When it comes to you, she always finds something to criticize;
• Excludes you from family gatherings;
• She's only polite when she has to be (and you can feel the struggle);
• She ignores you and talks to others as if you weren't even there.

As jealous as she is of you, her negative behavior isn't really about you. You can only allow yourself to see the things you don't like about yourself, but it's the effect of this on your relationship with your child that bothers you the most.

It's vital to keep this in mind when you talk to her. If you make it personal, you'll just increase the distance. The more you know about her, the easier it will be for you and your husband to decide how to talk to her and what to do.

Now that you know the not-so-subtle traits of a jealous mother-in-law, which ones stood out to you? And what are you going to do differently this week?